The Most Hated Sports Cities (From an Ohioan's Perspective)

Given that there is really very little to actually do in the state of Ohio (the front page of our tourism website suggests Amish country and a science center as two of the top three choices for an Ohio vacation), we have to get really invested in our sports teams. But, in an indication that God must have a sick sense of humor, all Ohio sports fans must suffer through disappointment, mediocrity and overall embarrasing teams on a regular basis, while cities which have countless things to do other than watch your team lose have been rewarded with constant athletic success. Obviously, this leads to a little antagonism from the average Ohioan. This is a list of which cities a normal Ohioan hates the most, based on undeserved athletic accomplishments.

1. New York
With a market that gives its teams an unlimited budget, and a fan base that expects championships, instead of just hoping for them, New York is really the anti-Ohio. While the Yankees fired their manager and nearly their general manager after not winning the World Series for 7 years, Indians fans have been waiting on a championship for over sixty years and the Reds haven't been a championship team since right around the time that Pete Rose was totally not betting on baseball. New York treats Ohio like a farm system, letting the players toil on mediocre teams until they snatch them up when they are ready to win a championship (see: Sabbathia, CC, Edwards, Braylon, Boone, Aaron, and possible James, Lebron). New York is also nice enough to send Ohio its former effective players after they are good and washed up (see: Boone, Aaron again, Peca, Michael). New York is exactly what every Ohio city wished it was, a place that athletes want to come to, instead of a place they are dying to leave.

2. Boston
The complete opposite of the die-hard, down on their luck fans in Ohio, Boston has seen a revolving door of championship trophies, from every major sport, and their fans have bandwaggoned accordingly. Ever since the Red Sox bought Curt Schilling and he cut his ankle open to have his gay bloody sock, Red Sox fans have come out of the woodwork. While most people who you will see in a Sox jersey probably do not know that Roger Clemens ever pitched for the Red Sox, or have any idea who Carlton Fisk is, they will all swear they are diehard fans. The same can be said of the pre-Tom Brady Patriots. If you asked a Pats fan what they thought of the Pete Carroll era, they would probably stare blankly at you and say "No, im pretty sure we went straight from Parcells' Super Bowl season into the Belichick administration." Their bandwaggoning was even apparent on a daily basis over the last two weeks, as the team Boston was totally pumped about alternated between the Celtics and Bruins, based on who had won most recently. When the Bruins went up 3-0 and the Celtics got blown-out at home, it was Bruins fever, not that the Bruins have lost three in a row and the Celtics sent the Cavs packing, everyone has always been a Celtic fan. Boston has been home to some of the most hateable sports figures in recent history. Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett and idiot turned champion Manny Ramirez, Tom Brady and Randy Moss, Paul Pierce and Rasheed Wallace, and crappy coach of Ohio team turned genius Bill Belichick all make Boston all the more hated.

3. Los Angeles
Los Angeles is totally hateable because it has many things Ohio doesn't: good weather, more beautiful women than they know what to do with, and championships. If any city should have to deal with the deal of constant failure, its LA, because they have plenty to fall back on. In the last decade, LA has seen USC, the Lakers, the Ducks and the Angels all win championships. Even when the Rams and Raiders left LA, it didnt cut nearly as deep as the Browns leaving Cleveland, because those teams weren't their only hopes for success. Ohioans also hate LA teams for the Hollywood culture. LA can fill its front rows with celebrities that come just to be seen, while Ohio fills its own with drunk business people using their company's season tickets. Ohio fans use that as ammunition that their fans aren't dedicated, but really it's jealousy that we can't do the same thing.

4. Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh is hateable because it is bizarro Ohio. Pittsburgh has the same fat, stupid, factory-working fans as Ohio does, but they win. Pittsburgh is a market no bigger than any Ohio city, which gives players no reason to want to play there, but for some reason they find ways to bring back championships. It's also horribly irritating for Ohio sports fans that in every Ohio city there are a bunch of people who claim to be die-hard Steelers fans, but don't seem to care at all what the Pirates or Penguins do. Speaking of, Pittburgh is the one city on this list that gives Ohio fans a silver lining, at least we don't have to root for the Pirates.

5. Whatever city's teams you root for
At teh root of Ohio fandom is an undying hatred for your own teams. When you root for your team for year after year and your organization seems completely unconcerned with obtaining any tangible success, one develops a little bit of anger. A hallmark of Ohio fans is to believe your team has what it takes to contend up until the season starts, and then go back to booing them after watching them play for two weeks. If you ask pretty much any Ohio sports fan what they think about their team, they will most likely respond that they are coached by idiots, have an idiot owner and have a front office full of idiots. And somehow, even though there are 6 different professional sports teams in the state, that seems to be true for all of them. When any team sniffs a little success, it seems to be a cosmic inevitability that that glimmer of hope will be extinguished ASAP.

Being an Ohio fan is a very taxing process, an emotional roller coaster that is much more down than up. But being an Ohio fan does give us the opportunity to do something that all Ohioans love...hating other people who are better than us.